Rodney Dangerfield dead at 82

He's was one of the best and greatest of the old school comics who just stood up there and told one liners.  It was always a sure thing that whenever I saw him in a movie or on the tv that he would make me laugh.  Guaranteed humor.  I can't say that about alot of "comics".  Here's some Rodney Jokes for you.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I had a lot of pimples too.  One day I fell asleep in a library.  I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

One time I went to a hotel.  I asked the bellhop to handle my bag.  He felt up my wife!

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

I'm a bad lover.  Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.  Last night she used me to time an egg.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over.  Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying.  I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up.  What's wrong with me?  He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy.  I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion."  He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

And we were poor too.  Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!