February 24, 2003
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You know, This week is starting off good. My wife got home yesterday and had a great time at the retreat. The theme for the weekend was "fear," and she really got a lot out of it. I was glad, because she is still dealing with a lot of fears in her life that limit the possibilities in her relationships. It was cool to hear about it.
I had to go to the dealership and get my driver's side headlight fixed .... which they did at no charge. I'm liking this dealership more and more ever time I visit them.
Here's my question to you all for the day, it's been something I've been wrestling with for the last few months:
In your relationships with your family or friends, what risks to you take to be vulnerable, or do you? If you don't, what are the fears that stop you, and what possibilities are you missing out on because of that?
I'm asking because I'm looking to get deeper with my friends and family rather than being a friend that's "a mile long and an inch deep."
Have a great Monday!
DG
Comments (6)
Well, that's a tough question. I tend to avoid bringing up subjects with my wife that I know will trigger a heated emotional defensive response. Usually I have no way to argue given the content, context and means of the way she will respond. That being said, I realise that I should bring these "sore" subjects up more often to at least make her aware that there is an issue that I see, so that even if her veiwpoint is unchanged she is aware that there are things still unresolved on my part. In the end we have an understanding of these isssues better, it's just that it's hard dealing with the emotional turmoil on both our parts to get to that result. Hope that made sense.
Pat, that made perfect sense. That's just about what I would have to say, too, and in fact that's what happened to me this weekend. Becky and I touched upon some things that are what we both dread to discuss, the fact that she never really intended to marry me, that she resents the time I spend being a writer, my resentment of her resentment, and the possibility that had we not rushed into marriage and family, that I may have actually made it as a writer. That she feels guilty for this, and subconsciously pushes me away to the point where she's almost forcing ME to divorce her, etc.
We made a breakthrough on Sunday. Hopefully things will be better. What we established was a much broader range of communication now that we got our taboo subjects out in the open.
As to answer your question directly, Dan, I guess I'd have to say I fear bringing up anything that would rock the boat and cause myself to be left alone. I may not interact as much as I should, but I need someone who is there. I am realizing, though, that sometimes rocking the boat is the way to make sure people will remain with me. Otherwise, problems arise that I don't know about, or misunderstand, because I'm not communicating.
Now it's my turn to ask: did that make any sense?
Maybe this is why I am still single, but I took a few risks in the past, didn't like the results. Not just with romantic entanglements. You open up to people and sometimes they use it against you. I have found that if you are going to open up to someone, you should choose the person wisely.
So, yes, I take risks, but I would say I take calculated risks. I have friends that I have known for over 10 years, and when it comes down to it, they really know very little about me.
Thinking I better stop with the blogbabble© before you all think I am a total head case.
I just never let people down. They know they can rely on me. Everyone outside my family apart from a very few thinks I am crazy and flaky, but I am the only one that everyone speaks to in the family, so I hear all sides, and I smile and I never ever let them down.
I stopped taking risks a couple of years ago. I put my little heart into my bunny and my horse and all others are in my outer circle. Can't get hurt that way... can't be loved that way either, but at least for now that is okay by me. I don't want to risk feelings anymore.
People still come to me because I do listen well and I offer my thoughts and advice, but I don't let people get too close. That sort of method doesn't work for everyone, but it works well for me.
Very nice. Wise words.
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