February 14, 2003
-
Since my good friends faquet and psiler both agreed on the topic, here’s my Xanga user rant for Friday.
Chicken of the Sea™: Fish or Fowl?
Suggested Link:
This is truly one of the biggest questions plauging mankind today. And one that cannot be totally examined in just one blog. However, it should be noted that there is a bit of deception going on within the ranks of Van Camp Foods. Chicken of the Sea™, contains no chicken at all. I have personally gone through many many cans of this product and found none of the following: drumsticks, breast, wings, thighs, gizzard or even a stray beak. This leads me to believe there is a conspiriacy of sorts to mislead the tuna-eating youth of our nation.
Another fact that needs to be examined is the company’s slogan: “Ask any Mermaid you happen to see, “What’s the best tuna?” “Chicken of the Sea®.” This bothers me on two fronts: not counting Daryl Hanna, I haven’t seen any mermaids. So how can you prove a bold statement like that wrong if there are no credible witnesses? You can’t, unless you’ve been performing some sort of perverted genetic experiments involving women and fish.
The second thing if memory serves me correctly, aren’t mermaids akin to the water sirens in Homer’s “The Oddesy?” Don’t they seduce men to steer their boats toward the rocky shore to an untimely death? So in order to even have a remote chance to find out if Chicken of the Sea™ is the best tuna, I have to try and find the very thing that want’s to kill me.
This brings us back to the question: Chicken of the Sea™: Fish or Fowl? Since we have already determined that a can of Chicken of the Sea hasn’t even seen a rooster, let alone contain any of those elusive “nuggets,” perhaps we can assume that the reference is toward the abundance of tuna in the sea to the number of chickens on the land. And there are a large number of chickens on the planet. So many, in fact that most baby chicks grow up not knowing their parents. Which is why we have Foster Farms™.
The core of the argument is this: fish have no feathers, and chickens don’t have fins. So is it really fair to call something a chicken when it is really a tuna? On the other hand, is it truth in advertising to call a chicken “free range” when every time I have purchased one, there was no complimentary stove top? You have no idea how many times i’ve been suckered in to buying chicken thinking I was one step closer to a complete kichen remodel.
When you boil down all of the evidence, it’s pretty clear the dichodomy is this:
Chicken of the Sea™ is the same as Tuna of the Land™.
Have a great Friday, and don’t forget to buy your loved one a can of Tuna or a free-range Chicken.
DG™
Comments (8)
Thank you for the insight. I am glad I requested it. I feel better going home this evening for having read so thorough a discourse on this subject. However one thing plauges me…can you tune a piano and not tuna fish, and how do chickens enter into it?
Bravo!
Well Done! …. you are quite the Funny Valentine.
Good review! Chicken ‘aint chicken unless it has/has had feathers. Hey! Why wasn’t I included as contributing to the idea? Was it because I lack the proper brain food? *sob* Going to eat more tuna..
I suppose most tuna is free range tuna, huh? You don’t hear about tuna farms so much, catfish farms sure, but not tuna farms. Hrm. Think I’ll start a free range catfish campaign.
My cat’s favourite food is tuna water (drained from the can). My cat’s most hated food is bits of raw chicken in (defrosting) meltwater. My cat says he read your blog and has things that he needs to discuss with me.
Bye….
So the soapOpera ‘ cat licks tuna juice in thinking it is chicken soup ! Poor cat ! He is going a cat of the sea according the label of the can !!! I appreciate your rant about the “fraud ‘” about the food and also your humor .
Amitié Michel
Truly inspirational!